Condescending. Fine. You are a trainer. Condescending and rude. Ok. You are a trainer and from a wealthier part of LA:
‘At our store...’ and ‘At every store, even yours’ Said in a bombastic and unappreciated tone.
You are a server. You happen to serve in a wealthier part of LA. You are still simply a server. Don’t kid yourself...
Racist? Never fine. Never welcomed. Never allowed. Not from anyone.
You are misrepresenting me as a Californian. And you, you are continuing your negative representation of all Texans.
The manager walks up to the table wearing nice clothing: dress slacks, dress shirt and tie. He is a light skinned Mexican American and offers advice. Later, he returns to the table dress in the same slacks, but this time with a chef’s jacket on.
‘HAHA...You look like on of them’ says one.
‘No! You aren’t dark enough’ says the other.
The manager gets up to leave.
What did I do? I sat and turned my face to not reveal my angry glare.
Later on, the conversation came upon desserts.
‘I love Tres Leches! Have you had it?’ says the Texan.
‘No’ says the other.
‘Does she look Mexican?!’ says a random visitor to the table.
What did I do? Again, turned away.
Am I helping the cause? No. Did I harm the cause. Probably, yes.
Am I responsible to speak up? Yes. But I didn’t. I couldn’t control my anger. I knew speaking then would do more harm than good. But by not saying anything, we still lose.
And what of the light skinned Mexican American manager? Was he so used to it that it no longer phased him? Or did he try to speak up and the past and considered it a lost hope? Or did he always not care? I don’t know. I didn’t get to ask. Should I have asked? Was our one time meet enough to bring up such a question? Does he have a clue I’ve been thinking about him since?
I will learn to control my anger. I hope next time I can be aware, think fast and respond appropriately to make their racist comments known as racist. Were the two females aware of their offensive remarks? Maybe. Maybe not. Were they aware of me, sitting there and listening. Yes. And by not saying anything at all they were indirectly told what you said was OK with me.. FUCK. I failed.
A lose-lose situation. I wasn't prepared. Wasn't, but next time...
I will be ready next time. I NEED to be.
